Hanukkah 2007

Bad Toys
By Annette van de kamp-Wright

(This column was previously published in The Jewish Press, November 2007)

 With Hanukkah just around the corner, it’s time for the December Dilemma.  I am not referring to any real or imaginary issues we have with the Christmas season; I am talking about the question of what appropriate Hanukkah presents look like. I know people who manage to make it through eight days with the help of Gelt and candles, and maybe a donut and a latke or two, and I admire them.  They avoid greedy behavior, spending too much money, and wasting hours wrapping every gift just so.  This is not the case at our house.

 

            Of course, my husband and I have set the precedent years ago, and now we are stuck: Hanukkah is here and presents are expected.  I think that’s okay; besides, I like buying and wrapping presents for my children.  Now that my daughter is in first grade, she plans ahead: as soon as the first toy catalog hits the mailbox, she buries her nose in it and sighs wistfully every five minutes or so.  I told her to make a list with things she would like; if she is expecting ridiculous things like ponies or a new house, I’d like to know about it.  We set rules: for each toy she has to write down a book; and my husband and I agree that only one Barbie is allowed. What’s more, nothing can be over fifteen dollars. That way we avoid unacceptable items like the “Barbie hot tub party bus” and the “Barbie gymnastic Divas playset”.  I am not making this up.

            When she presents me with her “Hnakah”-list, I am pleasantly surprised; there is not a single item over $15.   She wants a crown, a fake flower, and a new dress. As an extra reminder, she has drawn a picture of a present in the corner of the paper.  As far as books go, she casts her net a little wider: instead of specifics, she has written down categories, such as art-books, and ‘funny books’. This begs the question of what books are ‘funny’ to six year olds.  I’ve already bought her a ‘Shakespeare for Children’ book; would she consider that funny?  I doubt it.  All in all, this is not such a bad list.  Judging from the toy catalog, things could be much more grave.

            For instance, there is a dinosaur doll, that develops its own personality based on how much time you spend with it.  In other words, time you don’t spend reading, or being outside, or cleaning your room.  The cost is a mere $349.99.  I wonder, if you leave it lying around too much, does it develop a personality disorder? Does it become socio-pathic if you don’t cuddle it?  That’s a pretty big risk to take for a couple of hundred dollars. The toy that truly puzzles me is a doll by the name of ‘baby alive wets ‘n wiggles’.  Yes, it is exactly what you think it is.  Who comes up with that?  And who wants a doll in the house that pees and doesn’t lie still; didn’t we suffer enough when our own, very real, babies went through that phase?  Hm, maybe I can buy this for her when she turns 16, as a warning?

This year, there are some new toys inspired by the movie “Transformers”.  My husband liked the movie; I didn’t see it and plan to keep it that way.  “But it has Shia LaBeouf in it!” he’ll say, as if a Jewish actor in the lead role automatically makes a movie acceptable.  Even he has to admit, though, that the accompanying toys are questionable at best.  Take for example the ‘Optimus Prime Voice Changer Helmet’, or the ‘Optimus Prime Battle Rig Blaster’.  Who even knows what these things are?  The little boys that wish for them are probably also enchanted by the idea of owning the ‘Ben 10 Deluxe Ominitrix’, which is a kind of oversized wristwatch that apparently helps defeat evil.  Well, no ten year old can live without one of those, I guess. 

            I have to ask myself, am I going to be one of those parents that absolutely don’t understand what their children want?  Do I make fun of, and use sarcasm when confronted with the toy aisle, merely to mask the fact that I’m experiencing a disconnect?  Maybe.  When I am confronted with the picture of a tent shaped like a café, I enquire whether it comes with a real coffee maker. Now that would be handy.  My daughter doesn’t think I am funny and rolls her eyes; she’s probably worried sick about what I’m buying for her.

            Of course, the real question remains to be answered: what is Hanukkah really about?  Because we all know that it isn’t about presents, and it isn’t about how crisp the Latkes are, or whether that new dress matches your expectations.  I do believe that, although Hanukkah is one of the minor holidays, it can fulfill a major role in our Jewish life, if we let it.  It is about spending time with friends and family, and about togetherness; about forming strong bonds through traditions and beliefs. About believing that miracles continue to happen, every day. It is, in short, a holiday that reminds us that Judaism brings light to dispel the darkness that so often surrounds us.  And dispelling darkness is better for our children than any toys I can think of.  

Camp Gan Israel 2007

Chabad Knows Kids

By Annette van de Kamp-Wright

 

Recently, another successful summer camp was brought to a close at the Chabad House.  According to Estie Katzman, who has served as one of the camp counselors for years, this was the most enjoyable Camp Gan Israel yet: “What we really liked this year was the fact that camp ran through the 4rth of July. We were able to incorporate a really nice Barbeque right in the middle of camp, and include parents and grandparents in the camp experience.” Parent involvement is key when it comes to giving children a meaningful time over the summer.  “Camp Gan Israel offers much more than merely a place to drop your children off,” according to Estie, “we encourage parents to be aware of the wonderful things their children learn during camp. The Kids bring what they learn home, and hopefully incorporate many Mitzvot into their daily life. It is a spiritually enriching time for the whole family.” The Gan Israel Camp was awarded a grant from the Shirley and Leonard Goldstein Supporting Foundation.

The campers enjoyed many different things, such as swimming, a visit to the Durham Western Heritage museum, and crafts. They went to Fun Plex, they went bowling, and had a fashion show. They learned Israeli dancing and many, many songs. They learned about Tzedakah and many other Mitzvot, such as saying Brachot and helping each other. Most importantly, they learned what it means to be a proud Jewish “superhero”.  “We want children and families to leave here with a sense of how joyful Judaism really is,” Shani Katzman says, “and we want them to come back, often.”

Coming back should not be hard, considering what Chabad has planned for this Fall.  September 5^th will mark the beginning of “Thank G-d it’s Wednesday”, a new program for parents with young children who are not yet in school.  One of the organizers is Tippi Denenberg, who has three young children of her own. “I think it is important to have a place and time for parents to get together,” she says. “We are trying to create an environment where we not only pay attention to the spiritual needs of our children, but also to those of the parents. Raising children is a challenge. Getting together with others, and exchanging experiences can create good discussions, and provide a sense of support.”             

In addition to the TGIW program, there will be more Mishpacha (Family) Mornings this Fall. Mishpacha Mornings are held most Sundays from 10:15 until 11:45 and are aimed at families with children age 6 and younger. “A real breakfast awaits you upon arrival, everyone noshes and chats, the kids and adults have quick separate meetings to discuss the daily topics at their level, and lastly everyone regroups to tie it all together or to finish an art project. It’s amazing how many meaningful, thoughtful, and useful Jewish ideas come out of just one morning at Chabad. Regardless of your level of observance, you are guaranteed to learn something for you and your children in a relaxed and fun atmosphere”, Denenberg says.  All Mishpacha University programs will officially kick off on September 12^th with an apple picking event. An afternoon outing to an apple orchard will be organized for all who are interested. Mishpacha Mornings will be receiving funding from the Esther K. Newman/Carolyn Kully Newman Foundation.

Another event planned for fall is the repeat of last year’s “Challah-thon”.  On September 10, anyone interested in baking, eating, or purchasing Challah is welcome to come to the Chabad House around 7 p.m. and join in the fun.  “This is more than just a baking class”, Shani Katzman says. “It will give people a chance to connect within a traditional context. We will have several recipes to share, and for anyone too busy to bake for Rosh Hashanah, fresh, home-baked Challahs are available for purchase.”   

Naturally, Chabad will have adult education available several times a week as well.  To find out dates and times for any of the abovementioned activities, and to register you family for the Fall semester, please call Chabad at 330 1800, or check out the program at www.ochabad.com.   

 

 

 

 

Big Brothers, Big Sisters

A Lasting Commitment to Friendship

By Annette van de Kamp-Wright

 

 

It was the early eighties when Ron Budwig of Omaha first started suffering from ‘empty nest syndrome’.  His daughter had recently left for college, and things were getting very quiet around the house. It was then that Budwig happened to see the Big Brothers-Big Sisters organization featured in a Television program.

            In existence for over a century, Big Brothers-Big Sisters is the oldest and largest youth mentoring organization in the Unites States.  In 1904, a New York City court clerk by the name of Ernest Coulter watched many kids come through the court system. Seeing the same kids again and again, he decided something needed to be done. He started a mentoring program, linking the youth with “older brothers”, volunteers who would take children under their wings and offer them some much needed guidance.  By 1916, Coulter’s message had spread to 96 cities across the continental U.S.A.  In 1977, Big Brothers combined efforts with another group: Big Sisters International, which had made similar efforts directed at girls.  Thus  “Big Brothers Big Sisters” came into existence; it now operated in all U.S. states as well as in 35 other countries, working with at-risk youth ages 6 to 18. 

            The BBBS Tagline, “Little moments, Big Magic” struck a chord with Budwig.

 “I thought to myself, why not?” he says, “ and so I called them to start the screening process.” The Big Brother organization screens volunteers like Budwig very carefully. Much time is spent in orientation, to ensure that volunteers know what to expect and are fully committed to the youth they are paired with. Matches between volunteers and youth are made based on several criteria. Youth need to be safe, and the relationship that is created between volunteer and youth needs to be harmonious, suit the child’s needs, and be built to last. In other words, there needs to be more than a reasonable chance of this relationship lasting past a few weeks. Budwig agrees: “ The involvement you have with a child is not just a part-time thing. You become part of each other’s lives; it has to be a two-way street.  In order to be an effective mentor, you have to be very committed, even when things may not be easy. Many of the Little Brothers, as they are called, have abandonment issues. The last thing they need is someone else coming into their lives and leaving again after a few weeks. ”

            The staff at BBBS are more than simply matchmakers. After the initial pairing of a mentor with his Little Brother, they provide continuing support and supervision.  This supervision and support is offered to the mentor and his Little Brother, as well as the youth’s family.  In addition, a caseworker is available for advise as well as continuing training opportunities. 

            The commitment of BBBS is evident in their mission statement: “To help children reach their potential through professionally supported, one-on-one relationships with mentors that have a measurable impact on youth.”  Success is measured in different ways. For instance, a Little Brother or Sister is on average more confident in his or her schoolwork and gets along better with his or her family.  Youth involved with BBBS are 40 % less likely to use illegal drugs, 25% less likely to begin using alcohol, and 52 % less likely to skip school.

            Since the early 1980’s, Budwig has been connected to two Little Brothers.  The first one was Mike, a 15-year old, who had unsuccessfully been paired up before.  “Mike was my first Little Brother”, Budwig states, “and my relationship with him continued on even after he aged out of the program. Then, in 1987, I was paired up with a second Little Brother.” This second youth was William Lee Bailey III.

            “When I first met Bill, he was 10 years old,” Budwig says, “and he was just a string bean of a kid. He was extremely active and lively, and very much in need of male companionship.”  Bill Bailey needed a father figure in his life, and Budwig entered his young life at just the right time.  “I taught him how to say ‘Thank you’, and he taught me how to fish. We spent hours fishing together. It wasn’t necessarily the fishing itself that mattered so much, as the companionship and the attention.”  At ten years old, Bill was already extremely protective of his mother and sister, according to Budwig.  “He would get in trouble on a regular basis because he would try to retaliate if he thought someone wasn’t being respectful of his family.  At a very young age, he had appointed himself as the head of the household.”

            Budwig has fond memories of the things they did together.  Besides fishing, they went horseback riding often: “Bill took to horseback riding like a natural.  Riding a horse taught Bill a real sense of responsibility. He had to take care of the horse, and this fit in very well with his instinct to take care of others. Bill loved animals; his house was always full of them.  Also, when we went fishing he would usually throw the fish back.  Sometimes he would keep it, clean the fish himself, but he would never eat it. He brought it home to his mother.” 

Ron Budwig claims that he has learned as much from being a Big Brother as his Little Brother has learned from him: “Bill had such a great impact on my life.  I often feel that I received more than he did, because he showed so much appreciation for the time we spent together. He really cared about what I thought. I have also always had a very good relationship with his mother; the whole family was involved. There was mutual respect.”   This respect was felt by Bill himself as well; once he turned 18 and aged out of the BBBS organization, he went out of his way to stay in touch with his Big Brother until the very end.  Unfortunately, this end came much too soon for Bill.

            As an adult, Bill Bailey’s protective feelings translated into a strong desire to serve his immediate community and his country.  He joined the U.S. Army National Guard and joined the Volunteer Fire Department in his hometown of Bellevue, Nebraska. Bailey was assigned to the 755^th Chemical Reconnaissance and Decontamination Company, and like so many others, left his family to serve overseas. A married man and father, Army Specialist William Bailey III died on 5-25-2007 when an I.E.D. exploded near his vehicle in Taji, Iraq. He was 29 years old. Two other Nebraska soldiers were wounded during this same incident.

            “Once he was grown up”, according to Budwig, “Bill would always volunteer for the toughest assignments. Whenever anything dangerous had to be done, whether it was with the Fire Department or in the Army, Bill was the first in line. That was simply his nature.”  Bill Bailey left behind his wife, Deanna, and 5 children. He was posthumously honored with both the Purple Heart and the Bronze Star.

            Budwig feels no regrets about his time with Big Brothers, Big Sisters.  The organization, he says, gives many people a chance to offer guidance to young children who, too often and too long, have done without.  “It is important we teach children the difference between right and wrong. We also have to give them an opportunity to act in an age-appropriate manner, to experience a childhood.  Oftentimes these kids are forced to grow up fast, we try to give them a piece of their childhood back.”

            Especially when working with at-risk youth, Budwig says, it is essential not to judge: “Many children face setbacks that are beyond their control.  We are not helpful to them if we display a judgmental attitude. We need to respect them as people, and be willing to really accept them and help them”.  In addition, Budwig insists that teenagers need to be listened to, and that patience is in order.  “It can take teenagers a long time to start opening up,” Budwig says, “and even when they finally start talking, they might not tell you everything that is on their mind.  Be patient, and wait for them to set the pace. Building a relationship that feels safe to them takes a lot of time.”

Had Budwig not invested the time he did, who knows what might have happened to William Bailey?  We’ll never know if he would have had the courage to become a fire fighter, or whether he would have felt worthy enough to ask somebody’s hand in marriage. One can imagine that all those hours spend fishing had some kind of impact on the man he would become. A community is only as healthy as its children, and they need special care from that community.  Like Ron Budwig, we never know where our actions may lead us, or where they may lead others.

Over 1 Million children in the United States are homeless. Of those that aren’t, many face risk-factors, such as missing one or both parents, learning- or other disabilities, and existing below poverty level.  Of all children, 18% face more than one of these risk -factors.  While some children manage to overcome these risks, too many of them don’t have a chance without a committed adult in their life whose main task is to offer support.

For those that are interested in helping, the local chapter of Big Brothers, Big Sisters can be contacted at www.bigomaha.org, or one can email directly to Shaase@bigomaha.org.

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