This morning, at preschool, my son threw a miniature fit. He drew a picture, folded it up neatly, and attempted to stick it in his pocket. “No,” said the teacher, “you’re supposed to hang it on the wall.”

This was not what he had planned; he cried a bit, stomped off to the hallway and pouted for a minute or two. The teacher, who is smarter than him, left him alone; eventually he came back inside and everything was fine. He just needed to get it off his chest. He forgave his teacher; she couldn’t know she had made a cardinal mistake by deciding something without him.

Mendel believes in discussing things, weighing options, carefully coming to an agreement. He is all about compromise and input, and would love it if we took a vote on everything. Maybe I have taken him to too many board meetings; he is a democratic creature, and does not respond well when simply told what to do.

Getting a little worked up now and then is acceptable behavior, I think; we all have our pet peeves. Mine is wasting food: you finish your plate, and if it really can’t be eaten anymore it is composted. My daughter hates turtlenecks and sleeping under a blanket. My husband has a thing about ugly shoes, and the use of the word “piggy-back” during meetings. The essence of a good pet peeve, however, is that it isn’t something you are confronted with all the time.

The thing with Mendel’s pet peeve is, he’s taking it too far. After all, you can’t argue every decision in life; at some point you just have to accept the status quo and get in line. You can’t argue with the weather or with traffic lights, and Tuesday will not magically turn into Friday just because you come up with great arguments. This means he gets his feathers ruffled on an hourly basis.

My hope is that, at some point, he will update his pet peeve. Maybe he can start disliking something that he doesn’t experience so often, like Christmas Elves, or people who hand out toothpaste on Halloween. Groundhog Day, Fireworks, or the Super Bowl: there are many things that you confront once a year, for a short period, so you more or less get 11 anger-free months. I think it’s a great idea.

Now, how do I go about fostering a deep-seated hatred of Elves?

My son came home the other day with macaroni art. Okay, technically, it wasn’t macaroni; it was differently shaped pasta, spray-painted and glued in a random pattern to a piece of paper. It wasn’t an isolated incident either; earlier this week, he glued Apple Jack cereal to cardboard; I ask you, is this an acceptable thing to be doing during an artist’s formative years?

“What are they teaching you at that preschool,” I asked him, “How do you ever expect to become a fabulous artist if you waste your talent on macaroni?” He shrugged and walked away. He didn’t ask me to put it on the fridge, either: instead, he kind of hid it underneath a pile of mail where I came upon it by accident. He seemed slightly embarrassed about the whole thing. “Don’t do this again,” I warned him, “or there will be consequences.”

Then I remember a documentary about David Lynch I watched years ago. In it, Lynch talks about some recent artwork he’s been working on: he has nailed several slabs of raw meat to a board, and is watching it decompose. First, it changes color, then it become infested by maggots; eventually it turns into a nasty slimy mess, crawling with bugs and the stench becomes unbearable. I think his son talks about marching ants in one of the scenes; the whole family appears slightly disgusted but otherwise unfazed. It’s art, although perhaps not for the masses, but what are you going to do in this day and age, when everything’s been done before? You expand your horizon, that’s what; you find society’s limits, and you challenge them.

The limits in our house definitely include macaroni art; it’s stale, it’s childish, and it’s something I thought Mendel had left behind when he grew out of his diapers. Maybe because of that attitude, we have turned it into a taboo: art with food? Bah!
Taboos are solid gold, as far as artists are concerned, and when you look at it that way, even macaroni art can become fresh and modern again.
Also, he’s watched that strawberry scene in Across the Universe many times, so maybe this isn’t a lapse; maybe it’s a developmental leap. Yes, that must be it. I guess this marks the beginning of Mendel’s food period; I wonder how long it will last. Perhaps I should dig up the macaroni sheet, and hang it on the fridge after all.

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When my daughter Isabella lost her first tooth, she was barely four years old. There was a lot of blood, and she was freaked out beyond anything that a lousy quarter could repair. And so, we set a silly and dangerous precedent: the tooth fairy left a present under her pillow. Many presents later, we realize how stupid we were; she developed a habit of losing teeth late at night, and while it is always possible to find some loose change in the couch, a present is not so easily pulled out of thin air.

Luckily, she’s changing her ways: these days, she tends to lose her teeth at school. It still happens way too often to my taste, but at least I have some respite from the frantic late night Target trips. She’s not squeamish about it either: she can leave home without warning signs, find a wiggly tooth during second period, and have it out by lunch time. No more patient waiting for that tooth to work its way out on its own; she yanks, pulls, and pushes until she has a beak full of blood and a prize in her hand. Voilà, another present comes her way.

The time that I lost my own baby teeth is about 500 years behind me, so this whole process gives me the creeps. Isabella is more concerned with the fact that she often misplaces those teeth. This is a normal side effect if you get it out early in the day, and you have the habit of forgetting everything that’s not screwed down. Also, Isa deems it necessary to communicate with the tooth fairy, a strange little thing she’s been doing for years.

The latest letter reads as follows:
“Dear Tooth Fairy,
I lost a tooth today. Really. I left it at school. So you can either trust me and give me a present anyway or you can wait until tomorrow and come back for it.
Love, Isabella.”

I tell her that the tooth fairy will believe her just fine, considering the gaping hole in her mouth, as well as the fact that she spent half an hour in the principal’s office trying to stem the bleeding. I wonder why we put so much energy in this whole tooth thing, but then I decide to be grateful society didn’t attach the same hoopla to hair, skin, and nails. Can you imagine how much fun that would be?

So why, you wonder, do we still do this; why do we not simply tell her it’s over, and stick a quarter under that pillow? For one, habits are hard to break; pretty soon she’ll be a teenager and we will have different problems. By then we will wonder why we ever fussed over a lost tooth and the accompanying ceremony. Second, I still don’t like the idea of putting money under her pillow. What if she grows up believing it’s okay to exchange body parts for money, and decides to sell a kidney? Or worse?

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“Lola, you stink,” my daughter says to the cat. While technically true, this is not entirely fair. After all, Miss L. just visited the litter box, and no cat has ever done nice-smelling things in there. It’s not what litter boxes are for. So, in fact, she did what was expected of her, in the appropriate place; is it her fault that Mother Nature decided long ago that poop should smell like… well, poop?

“Whereas you smell like lilies of the valley when you go to the bathroom,” I tell Isabella.
She responds in the preferred way: she simultaneously rolls her eyes and sticks out her tongue. Super coordinated, that girl. Before she walks off, she looks at me as if she’s heard my lame comment a hundred times before; probably because she has. I like my sarcasm predictable; that way, my kids can pick up on it easily, and hopefully get a head start on using it themselves.

Recently, I took my son to the pet store, where he picked up a cat toy. A glove, with a little dangling thingy on each finger. Feeling the full impact of his big brown eyes, I didn’t have the heart to say no, and let him bring it home. The cats were not amused; they looked at the toy with enough disdain to make a grown man cry. After many fruitless attempts by Mendel, the toy disappeared into a drawer somewhere.
Hundreds of articles and books have been written about the relationship between humans and animals, and the bond between kids and their pets in particular. They can build relationships with those pets, animals don’t judge; they can learn responsibility by taking care of it. I would bet good money that most of these stories apply to the family dog; the longer I think about it, the more I believe our two ancient cats don’t make for the best childhood friends.

Proetie is thirteen; Lola is nine. They are old and lazy, and they are bitter. Massively bitter. It’s lucky they can’t talk, or they might say some very impolite things. While the older one allows the kids to pet her, she does so only because walking away is too much work. Lola, on the other hand, wants nothing to do with either of the children. She spends her days hiding, thinking of ways to take revenge for the smelly comments, I’m sure.

I don’t think the life of a housecat is all it’s cracked up to be. I’m sure they crave meat, but get organic dry crunchy stuff instead. They live with a fish-loving family, but never get any; regardless of how many staring contests they win. Maybe, at some point during those eighteen-hour naps, they dream about the jungle, about chasing small game in the wild, about running, and roaring like miniature lions. About a better existence, outside of the litter box.

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So not apologetic

Jewish Advocate, Sept. 2009

The month of September is traditionally a time for Jews to reflect on the past year, while frantically getting their schedules in order for the High Holidays. It is also a time to set right any past wrongs we have committed, apologize, and in turn let go of any real or perceived wrongs committed by others. In short, we try to wipe the slate clean for the New Year.

Cue the confusion.

“I’m not sorry,” my son says, “because I didn’t do anything bad.”
First of all, this is not true. He did plenty of bad things, although I have to admit, in the grand scheme of things (war, famine, and stock market fraud) he’s as innocent as they come.
Still, learning the art of apologizing –and it is an art- isn’t a bad step in becoming a more responsible child. Thus we practice. And practice. And then we practice some more.

Mendel is assisting us by providing some heinous behavior, so he has something to apologize for. Lately, screaming-just-for-fun tops the list; he also still clings to spreading toothpaste on every available surface (plants, the wall, my clothes), and ruining his sister’s life. Those are all things that warrant apologizing; Isabella reminds him every five minutes or so to take care of that.

The problem is, he really isn’t sorry, so would we expect him to say it when he doesn’t mean it, just so that he can get into the habit? I decide to leave it alone for a while.
The minute I stop prompting him, he starts saying sorry. Except, now he does it on his terms. “I am sorry” is no longer an apology: it is an admission of guilt. Or maybe he just wants pre-emptive forgiveness, as If I would ever fall for that. And so, our conversations go like this:

“I’m sorry, mom!”
“What did you do?”
“Nothing. I’m sorry.”
“I know you did something. What is it?”
“Are you angry?”
“No; not yet. I can’t know until I find out what you did.”
“I’m sorry. I love you.”
“I love you too. What did you do???”
“Nothing. I did nothing.”

What complicates the matter is that often I don’t find out what he did until hours later, at which point he’s moved on. He’ll shrug as if to say, oh that? That was light years ago. Why are you still talking about it? I already said I was sorry. Get over it, would you?

I guess I will, eventually. After all, it’s that time of year.

http://alphainventions.com

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Note: this article is slanted for publication in the Jewish Press New Year’s issue, September 2009. It contains fragments from interview with Principal R. Giller of Friedel Jewish Academy, recruitment Officer Yaffa Podbilewicz Schuller, former Board President Susan Fellman-Witkowski, and Dick Fellman, who was instrumental in the rebirth of the school during the 1970’s.

Part 1: Ron Giller, Principal of Friedel Jewish Academy

By the end of May, when the last diplomas are handed out, the final homework put away, and students’ minds are on summer camps and swimming pools, the work of a Principal is far from over.

“When the kids leave, we begin working on a long list of things, like class schedules for the new school year, staff development, and textbook orders. If we happen to need any new staff, summer is the time to finish recruiting, and we have to evaluate our emergency evacuation plans. It isn’t just the Principal and teachers who continue during the summer. Right now, Josh Gurock, one of our board members, is hard at work on improving the school lunch program; something which we are looking forward to”.

Before the end of the 2008/09 school year, standardized testing was completed, and the results are in: “We use the summer to look at those test scores, and analyze them. Our students consistently score above average in all areas; we look at how they arrived there, and how we can continue to help them excel”, Giller says, “but, of course, it doesn’t end there.”

Before the time students and parents arrive at Friedel for a brand new school year, a very long list has to be completed. The parent handbook needs to be revised, furniture must be inspected and ordered new where needed; staff has numerous meetings, and a new after school program is being developed. “We are especially excited about the option of having after school activities, “ Giller says. “At the moment we are considering a technology club, math, and chess, but the possibilities are endless. It will be one more way to strengthen our Friedel family.”

That Friedel family is growing; the 09/10 school year will welcome 54 students to the building. “We are definitely excited about our growth,” Giller says. “To see our student body practically grow under your nose is a very inspiring thing. The next few years will bring a crucial change to the school, as we anticipate that this pattern will continue.”

The summer of 2009 is a far cry from last year, when Ron Giller had just started as Friedel’s Principal. “The nice thing now is, I don’t have to ask as many questions, and I am very much at home with all the expectations. I have a calendar in my head, I am familiar with things like endowment due dates, I don’t have to second-guess myself. I definitely feel at home; a year makes all the difference!”  Giller has spent much of this past year familiarizing himself with everybody in the community, meeting with different people at all the different agencies: “I feel closer to everybody who makes this community thrive, and have been able to build my own relationships, and strengthen Friedel’s relationships with the Jewish Federation, the Jewish press, the CDC, the Blumkin Home, the Center for Jewish education, the Kripke Library, the ADL, BBYO; the list goes on and on. I have met so many fantastic people, and every single one of them has made me feel welcome. We have been able to do projects with the CDC and the Blumkin Home, and we hope to continue that in the years to come. A school like Friedel can’t stand alone, and we are lucky to be part of the bigger whole. It gives our students a very solid start as valuable community members.”

In addition, Giller is grateful to have the support of the Jewish Clergy, as well as very involved parents, enthusiastic students, and a dedicated staff who can’t wait to start the new school year. “It is a bit quiet in the building during the summer, without the kids,” Giller said, “and we all look forward to that first day of school.”

Speaking of that much anticipated first school day, how should the students get ready?

“They should get a good night’s sleep, eat a healthy breakfast, and put a smile on their faces,” Giller said. “We can’t wait to see them again.”

Part 2: Gary Katz, Kripke Jewish Federation Library

To a Librarian, Like Gary Katz at the Kripke Library, summer is a time for scheduling special activities, like the Kids’ Reading Club, special-theme classes, or the American Girl tea party. It is also a time busy with ordering new books, scheduling classes for the fall, and preparing for authors to come and speak, and getting ready for CDC and Friedel students, who will flock to the library come the new school year.

In addition to being a librarian, Katz is also a father. He and his wife Monica have two children, Joseph and Charlotte. Their oldest child, Joseph, is starting Kindergarten this year. Getting ready for that monumental day reminds Gary of his own illustrious career as a Kindergartener in New City, New York: “I had to take the bus every day, “ he recalls, “and I remember my mom waving me goodbye in the morning. It wasn’t like these days, when kids get dropped off and picked up by their parents, like I see happening next door every day; I had to get on that bus all by myself!”

“I remember they served us these small square pizzas, on cafeteria trays, and I remember playing a lot of kickball. There were tow things I really loved back then: kickball and books. Our teacher was a very young woman, it was her first year of teaching, and she was newly married. I don’t remember her name at all, but I do recall she was blond and pretty. But then, every woman is pretty when you are a five-year-old boy. What did I know?”

There were about 20 kids in Gary’s class, and Gary only spent a year with them, as following Kindergarten, his family moved to Rochester. “My most vivid memories, besides the pizzas and the kickball, have to do with books,” he says. “I remember Curious George. The teacher would send books home with us, to practice our reading, and I loved George, even back then. Something else I liked was ‘monster’ books; I would take them home and learn my letters. Even back then, a love of books was in my blood. I guess it was inevitable I grew up to be surrounded by books, although my love of kickball didn’t turn me into an athlete. ”

How is Gary preparing his son Joseph for Kindergarten? They talk a lot: “Joseph has been talking about it non stop all summer,” Gary says. “We have also driven by his building a few times, and, of course, we read books”

Any tips? “Yes, we read “Sammy Spider’s First Day of School”, by author Sylvia Rouss. It is a great book to read with your child while they are getting ready for Kindergarten. We have it at the Kripke library, if anyone wants to read it.”

Obviously, the race between kickball and books is over: the books have won.

Part 3: Yaffa Podbilewicz-Schuller, Friedel Recruitment Officer, Board member, and parent

Home in Mexico, Yaffa Podbilewicz-Schuller attended the same Jewish Day school for 16 years. She started Junior Preschool at the age of three, and stayed until she graduated high school at 18. “We started with roughly one hundred students in my year, and most of them stayed around until the end,” Yaffa says. “It was amazing to go to school with the same kids for so long, and be able to build such wonderful friendships. I never questioned that we would be split up by the time we went to middle or high school, it was just a given that we had the opportunity to stay together”.

Although Yaffa’s father was a board member for many years, it was uncommon for the students to see much of their parents while in school. “ I remember there was someone dressed as a Dreidel, who visited the class room,” Yaffa recalls, “and we were supposed to spin around with it. So we did, we were spinning, and suddenly I hear this voice coming out of the Dreidel. Imagine my surprise: it was my mother!”

Preschool was separated from the rest of the building: “We really didn’t get a chance to interact much with the older kids. The age differences are big, and when you are in preschool, you need your own space, your own playground. As a result, I didn’t really know where I was going when I started First grade. My father took me to see this new, strange, part of the building, so I would be prepared. He even pointed out who would be my Hebrew teacher, and told me how fantastic she was. I vividly remember him taking me there, putting me at ease, preparing me for what was to come.”

Nowadays, Yaffa has two tasks during the summer: preparing her two daughters, Eliana and Yael, and guiding new parents in enrolling their children at Friedel Jewish Academy. As the recruitment officer, she is constantly in motion to educate new parents about the advantages of sending their children to a Jewish Day school. Currently, 54 students are on track to be either returning or entering for the 2009/10 school year. “The growth is phenomenal,” Yaffa says, “and we may have some additional students in the fall that we are not yet sure about. When I talk to new parents, I always remind them that getting ready for Friedel, means also getting the home ready. Make sure to create a space to study, talk about expectations, answer any questions children may have about the journey they are embarking on.”

How does she get her own daughters ready? “Yael will be starting second grade, and Eliana is entering fifth grade. Of course we shop for school supplies, including uniforms and shoes. Friedel’s staff sends out a complete list by the end of summer, and we make sure they have what they need.”

According to Yaffa, there is quite a difference in those needs, compared to when she was in elementary school herself. “We were given one pencil, and one pen; what more do you need to write with? We definitely didn’t need piles and piles of things, and we had to cover our own books. I was also given two pairs of shoes at the beginning of the school year, and a bottle of shoe polish.”

“At home, we clean out their desks, and sort through last year’s school stuff. We decide together what to keep, and what to throw away. We clean closets, separate too-small uniforms and donate them back to the Friedel closet; getting ready at home is a big part of getting ready for school. Just like I was as a child, my daughters look forward to returning to school. Going back to school is the highlight of the summer!”

Part 4: Susan Fellman-Witkowski, Past Board President and parent

Susan Witkowski is more than averagely involved in the wellbeing of Friedel Jewish Academy. She has served as President of the Board for the past two years, has made Friedel logo clothing a staple, participated in the organization of the annual Friedel gala, and volunteers for anything that might come up. Any given day, you could find her cooking a special Shabbat lunch for the students, assisting with the Latke sale, or helping out during the scholastic book fair.

Susan and her husband Isaac Witkowski have a daughter, Gabby, in third grade. Their son Julian will begin Kindergarten at Friedel during the 2010/11 school year, so Susan’s involvement is sure to continue for many years to come.

She is following in the footsteps of her father, Dick Fellman, who was an equally involved parent when Susan was little.

“Before there ever was a Friedel Jewish Academy, I went to what was then the Omaha Jewish Day School. During the early seventies, I attended K through 3^rd grade, in a school that had approximately 15-20 students in total. The two-story building was located on Pacific, where Beth Israel Synagogue is now, and we had an understanding with the Montessori school up the road. Teachers from the Montessori would come over and teach us general studies; for Judaic studies, we had a Rabbi.”

To get the full picture of Dick Fellman’s involvement, we have to go back in time: “First, there was the Omaha Hebrew Academy, and it was located near the downtown JCC building, on 20^th and Dodge. It was run very much like a Yeshiva, usually had between 20-25 students; in the mid sixties, it abruptly folded when the Rabbi who headed the school left with little notice. Because he left just a few weeks before the beginning of the school year, there was no time to find a replacement, and the school closed. That summer marked the end of the Omaha Hebrew Academy. ”

Dick Fellman wasn’t satisfied, and together with other concerned community members started working towards reopening a Jewish Day school in Omaha. “We started working in earnest in 1970, and it was an uphill battle. We had no building, no accreditation, no staff, and no money.”

So where, eventually, did the money come from? “That’s an interesting story,” Dick Fellman said, “and the story starts with Dr. Shapiro, who ran a Bingo game at the old City Auditorium. You have to remember there was a time when there were no casinos on the Missouri river; the only option people had for any type of gambling was the bingo game. Catholic churches, for instance, would often obtain the special license necessary to run a Bingo game, and then proceed to use it for fundraising. Dr. Irv Shapiro did the same thing, to benefit education; when the Hebrew Academy closed, the bingo game didn’t. Dr. Shapiro kept running it, and we were able to access some of that money and use it to open the new Jewish Day School”.

So the school was paid for through gambling? “Well, not exactly,” Fellman said, “first of all, we had several additional donors; people like Joe Kirshenbaum and Dr. Paul Shyken were instrumental in re-opening the school. Also, we weren’t allowed to use the bingo money directly for the annual budget, because it came from gambling. That part was a bit frowned upon; what we did instead was use it for scholarships, and if the school would run a little short, we’d take out short term loans against the bingo money.”

By the fall of 1972, the Jewish Day School of Omaha was open for business. “We were grateful to our donors, and for all the practical assistance from Dr. Michael Rockland, UNO Professor of Elementary Education, and consultant Dr. John Langhan, who would go on to become the Chairman of the Omaha School Board, as well as Dean of UNO’s College of Education.

One thing is certain: Dick Fellman had to go out of his way before he could send his own daughter to a Jewish Day School. Nowadays, when Susan is a parent herself, things are certainly easier. Friedel Jewish Academy, which has ultimately replaced the Jewish Day School of Omaha, is continuing to grow: the 2009/10 school year welcomed a Kindergarten class of 17, bringing the total amount of students to 54. “It’s so much more of a family nowadays,” Susan stated. “Friedel is a completely different school. For instance, I love the Tal Am program, as well as the fact that the school is more integrated in the community. The whole experience my daughter has is different from when I was her age”. That experience includes one of Susan’s most vivid memories: the daily prayer the boys had to deliver, thanking God for not making them women.

“I managed to ask the Rabbi whether there was a similar prayer for us girls, and landed myself in a bit of trouble over that question,” Susan remembers. We can assume she has since been forgiven for that minor infraction.

For information about Friedel Jewish Academy, or to make an appointment to visit the school, call Mary Jane Tweedy at 334 0517

Jewish Advocate, March 2009

Jewish Press December 2008

Whoever coined the phrase “never a dull moment” must have looked into the future and seen my kids.  My husband and I, we like boring. Boring is good. But boring doesn’t live at our house. Not a week goes by that some mini-crisis doesn’t occur and throw the whole family into a tailspin, causing us to wonder whether everybody else’s children are this weird, ‘why us’, and what’s next.

I do know there are other parents who have experienced the explode-a-kid: you ask them for something innocent (put on your coat, brush your hair) and complete pandemonium ensues. Screaming, throwing objects, crying; you’d think you’d done something awful like cutting off Barbie’s head or taking a blowtorch to their dollhouse.  The worst thing about these disproportionate anger attacks is that you can’t see them coming; one minute everything’s fine, the next your day is ruined and you feel like grabbing a bottle of rum and hiding in the broom closet for the next three hours.

I believe the reason children are so unpredictable is that they have a daily itinerary            only they know about. You may think it’s a quarter to twelve and time to put on their coat, but to them, it’s 11:44:08; the moment they were planning to space off and pick their nose a bit. You can look at the clock and decide it’s almost 7 pm and time for dinner; to them, it’s 6:49:19: the exact time during which they need to switch Barbie’s purple dress for the blue one. By callously asking them to go wash their hands, you disrupt their rhythm, and they will never ever be happy again. How dare you?

The difficulty is that, as a parent, you never find out what kids are up to until it is too late. We recently experienced this when our four-year-old son started spreading a nasty stench that seemed to be coming from his nasal cavities. It could only be described as the smell of rotting mackerel that’s been lying in the sun for a few days. We bathed him several times, disinfected his clothes and investigated whether he had gotten into something we weren’t aware of. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and took him to the doctor. As it turned out, when children smell this nasty, it’s usually caused by something they stuffed up their nose. In Mendel’s case, it was a Reese’s wrapper. I didn’t know it could fit up there in the first place, but apparently, he managed just fine. (7:43:17 pm: stuff wrapper up nose).

            I spoke with a friend of mine, who is a pediatrician, and found out this is not unusual at all. Children put all sorts of things up their noses, and if it doesn’t fit at first, they just push harder until they succeed. He told me about a boy who peeled off a plastic cling his mother had painstakingly put on the window while decorating for Hanukkah; the smooth plastic went in easily, but medical intervention was needed to get it out. (4:12:08 pm: do something festive with a Menorah) Another friend talked about his nephew who had stuffed a miniature kitty up his nose, then had to follow it with a fireman to rescue the kitty. Once they were both stuck, the child saw no other solution than to put in a policeman to rescue the first two. All three had to be extracted in the emergency room. (9:06:53 pm: rack up large medical bill). Why children do these things, I don’t even want to know. I am guessing it has something to do with trying to find a purpose in life; when everybody around you is always busy, you need to come up with your own agenda. Even a four-year-old wants to feel important, and if you’re too young to have meetings and jobs and errands, you’ll just have to invent some very necessary tasks to fill your time. I just wish they would be a little less secretive about how they plan their day; with a little prior warning about that Reese’s wrapper, I could have totally scheduled around that.

(Love and Logic Finds a Home at Friedel)

Jewish Press 2/2009

During the past several weeks, staff from Jewish family Services and Friedel Jewish Academy have banded together to bring the community a great parenting resource. Karen Gustafson and Victor Schuermann, have offered the ‘Love & Logic’ parenting class at the school, for the benefit of community members.  “It is important that parents are included in our school,” Friedel Principal Ron Giller said. “Friedel is not just for kids, and this was a fantastic way to put a spotlight on parenting within and outside the school. The program was extremely enlightening, and offered many opportunities for adults to learn new strategies. I was impressed with the manner in which the Love & Logic curriculum emphasizes a respectful relationship between children and adults.”

            Based on the 1990 book, Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility by Foster W. Cline M.D., and Jim Fay, Love and Logic seminars are held all over the United States. Jewish Family Service’s Karen Gustafson and Victor Schuermann have been presenting L&L locally for the past seven years. Each session runs for a four week period, and costs $60 for the first time. “We encourage parents to keep coming back,” Gustafson explains, “because we don’t believe in a one-time fix. Parenting is a continuing part of our lives, and we invite people who have taken our class in the past to come in for a refresher, for only $5, a fraction of the cost. After all, parenting a three-year-old is very different than interacting with a teenager. We believe Love and Logic offers helpful strategies for every stage of parenting.”

Gustafson and Schuermann don’t stand in front of their students as therapists, but as co-parents. “We are in the same boat,” Gustafson says, “and we certainly don’t present the materials as if we have all the answers. It can be difficult for any parent to attend a parenting class, because it feels as if one is admitting one’s children are “bad”. The truth is, we all struggle from time to time to find the right answers, and so I often bring up more of my personal mistakes than success stories. It is essential for parents to have a realistic view, and know they are not alone.”

PTO-member Lise Sasson has been instrumental in bringing the Love and Logic seminar to Friedel: “This has been such an excellent opportunity for al of us as parents to grow, while at the same time getting to know each other better. The Friedel PTO has sponsored the classes, with help of a grant from Howard and Judy Vann Family Education Fund. Without their assistance, I don’t think we could have pulled this off! We are so grateful to Howard and Judy Vann; because of their generosity, we were able to offer the classes free of charge.”

Sasson is enthusiastic about the content of the seminars: “The one most important draw of the Love and Logic parenting style, in my opinion, is that this is the philosophy and method of discipline used by our own teachers at Friedel. It is very important for us as parents and teachers to be on the same page, because this way, we keep consistency between home and school. And it works! I have heard so much positive feedback from so many parents. Everyone, regardless their own parenting styles, seems to agree that these classes offer great tools.”

“For those interested in attending a Love and Logic seminar, Jewish Family Services presents the material twice a year,” Gustafson says, “and the next dates are April 2, 16, 23, and 30 of 2009. Anyone who wants more information about cost and materials, such as tapes and books, can call JFS at 330 2024. We’ll be happy to assist them.”

In addition, Friedel Jewish Academy is opening its doors for the annual Open House on March 5, from 7 until 8:30 pm. “Prospective parents, and anybody else in the community who has an interest in Friedel, is welcome,” says Yaffa Podbilewicz-Schuller, who is in charge of recruitment. “Teachers will speak about their classrooms, and former graduates will share their experiences at our school. There will be refreshments, and plenty of opportunities to get all your questions answered, as well as connect with current parents.” For more information about the Open House, or to schedule a tour of the school, please call Mary Jane Tweedy at 334 0517.

Jewish Press 2/6/2009

Late in December, my family suddenly informs me that I have to come home. Although I normally welcome holiday travel like a hefty attack of the stomach flu, this time I have no choice. Flying by myself under the circumstances is a very bad idea, so I decide to take my daughter Isabella along. As soon as I share my plans with her, the panic sets in. “What about the Science Fair?” she asks, and I quickly check the calendar. Late February, so I think we’ll be okay. Once she hears there is very little chance we’ll be gone that long, she relaxes.  “Besides,” I say, “you can do your experiments in Holland, can’t you? I’m sure it’ll be very inspiring.”  When I introduce the topic to my family, they are more than game to play their part. My brother knows a great science museum, and my sister immediately starts making plans. In spite of the fact that our list of famous painters is roughly three times as long, there have been some great scientists in the lowlands. From Huygens to Leeghwater to Van Leeuwenhoek, there are plenty of good role models to choose from. Didn’t Descartes live in Leiden for over twenty years? Maybe she can build her own microscope, or a hydraulic dam, or dissect a tulip bulb. Maybe she can build a miniature (working) windmill. With popsicle sticks.

“No,” she says,  “I want to watch green beans rot.”

Fantastic. Why is it that science experiments always involve all things gross and disgusting? I envision a filthy decomposing pile of rubbish on my mother’s kitchen counter, and sigh. “I’m sure grandma will be delighted,” I say, and hope for the best. My mother, when I give her the good news, doesn’t seem fazed. This is probably because she doesn’t remember anything about children and the messes they make. No worries, she will find out soon enough.

Over the next few days, while we anxiously await our departure, my sister prepares several dishes with raw and partially cooked beans. My brother offers us a forgotten piece of bell pepper that he discovered in the back of his fridge. “No, thanks,” I tell him, “we’re only doing beans.”  Soon, photographs of said beans start to arrive on my email, and discussions about my father’s illness are interspersed with comments about mold and questions about whether the outside experiment will be eaten by those famous Amsterdam pigeons. Once we arrive in Holland, we take daily photographs of beans that rot, beans that freeze, beans that get covered in snow, and beans that dry out. Not to be outdone in the nastiness-department, our son busies himself with a few experiments of his own: he throws about eight farm fresh eggs down the stairs at an uncle’s house, then quickly follows this up with a “stick your finger in the bunny cage and see what happens” investigation. That’s okay; this trip, everybody gets a chance to shine. Besides, it’s handy to know that eggs, when thrown down the stairs onto a concrete floor, will break every time, and that bunnies don’t know the difference between a juicy carrot and a finger.

It occurs to me that we were all ready to be a little distracted from the situation we found ourselves in; we just didn’t know how until the Friedel Science Fair threw us a lifeline.