Dancing Barefoot in the Rain

This column previously appeared in The Jewish Press, June 2008

Spring is here; the jar that my daughter brings to me says so. Inside, I find a bug and some leafy greens; she proudly tells me she “screwed the lid on extra tight so Mr. Bug won’t escape”. I explain that Mr. Bug probably won’t survive the lack of oxygen, and with a disappointed look she takes her brand-new pet back outside and releases him.  In truth, I don’t have the faintest idea how long a bug can live in a jar, but I’m not willing to find out. There’s a reason I have the exterminator stop by my house every two months.

Fortunately, there are other ways to freak your parents out when the weather gets nice, and my children know them all. We’ve already had the first accident (our daughter Isabella falling out of a tree) and the first really dumb idea (our son Mendel using a rake to play horse while standing in a wheelbarrow). Our kids find that nice weather is best enjoyed in an atmosphere of danger.

            I am not entirely convinced I am the right parent for the season. I hate bugs, and I don’t like swimming. I despise that the maple tree in front of my house seems to drop a hundred branches every time the wind blows, and that the hot sun makes the trashcan smell like something furry died in there; most of all, I hate how by the time my house settles down it is too dark to truly enjoy my garden. Of course, I would love to be a fun mom, and sometimes I think I am, but these days I mostly hear myself say things like Stop stepping on the flowers, That roof is not for climbing, and, most popular of all: Get out of the compost heap! No wonder my children look at me as if they wish I’d turn into a garden gnome. What fun is a back yard if you can’t get dirty and destroy things? Where’s my summer spirit?

            When I was little, I practically lived outside during the summer. I grew up near the woods, and there wasn’t a tree I didn’t climb, an adventure I didn’t have, or a dare I didn’t fall for. The only rule my parents had was: “be home in time for dinner”, and even that I often didn’t stick to (Sorry, mom). Yet now that I am a mother myself, and my children’s outside is the size of a postage stamp compared to the world I used to play in, I am suddenly the biggest chicken on the block. Obviously, it’s time for an attitude adjustment.

            Someone very smart once told me that G-d does not perform unnecessary miracles; if you can fix things yourself, He will not split the Red Sea for you. So now what? I decide I have to set some new ground rules, starting with less interference on my part. This means, if Isabella and Mendel are outside, let them be outside in the fullest sense of the word. So what if they get dirty, so what if their shins bruise until they look like the map of Europe; it’s not the end of the world if they wear the signs of summer. And with Memorial Day just around the corner, we have many warm months ahead of us, so I might as well relax. And they don’t need to know that I peek out the window every two minutes, and then give myself a stern talking to. Maybe I’ll get really brave and introduce some shock treatment: next time there’s a summer storm, we can all go outside and dance barefoot in the rain.

Let’s hope it stays dry until deep into August.

Hanukkah 2007

Bad Toys
By Annette van de kamp-Wright

(This column was previously published in The Jewish Press, November 2007)

 With Hanukkah just around the corner, it’s time for the December Dilemma.  I am not referring to any real or imaginary issues we have with the Christmas season; I am talking about the question of what appropriate Hanukkah presents look like. I know people who manage to make it through eight days with the help of Gelt and candles, and maybe a donut and a latke or two, and I admire them.  They avoid greedy behavior, spending too much money, and wasting hours wrapping every gift just so.  This is not the case at our house.

 

            Of course, my husband and I have set the precedent years ago, and now we are stuck: Hanukkah is here and presents are expected.  I think that’s okay; besides, I like buying and wrapping presents for my children.  Now that my daughter is in first grade, she plans ahead: as soon as the first toy catalog hits the mailbox, she buries her nose in it and sighs wistfully every five minutes or so.  I told her to make a list with things she would like; if she is expecting ridiculous things like ponies or a new house, I’d like to know about it.  We set rules: for each toy she has to write down a book; and my husband and I agree that only one Barbie is allowed. What’s more, nothing can be over fifteen dollars. That way we avoid unacceptable items like the “Barbie hot tub party bus” and the “Barbie gymnastic Divas playset”.  I am not making this up.

            When she presents me with her “Hnakah”-list, I am pleasantly surprised; there is not a single item over $15.   She wants a crown, a fake flower, and a new dress. As an extra reminder, she has drawn a picture of a present in the corner of the paper.  As far as books go, she casts her net a little wider: instead of specifics, she has written down categories, such as art-books, and ‘funny books’. This begs the question of what books are ‘funny’ to six year olds.  I’ve already bought her a ‘Shakespeare for Children’ book; would she consider that funny?  I doubt it.  All in all, this is not such a bad list.  Judging from the toy catalog, things could be much more grave.

            For instance, there is a dinosaur doll, that develops its own personality based on how much time you spend with it.  In other words, time you don’t spend reading, or being outside, or cleaning your room.  The cost is a mere $349.99.  I wonder, if you leave it lying around too much, does it develop a personality disorder? Does it become socio-pathic if you don’t cuddle it?  That’s a pretty big risk to take for a couple of hundred dollars. The toy that truly puzzles me is a doll by the name of ‘baby alive wets ‘n wiggles’.  Yes, it is exactly what you think it is.  Who comes up with that?  And who wants a doll in the house that pees and doesn’t lie still; didn’t we suffer enough when our own, very real, babies went through that phase?  Hm, maybe I can buy this for her when she turns 16, as a warning?

This year, there are some new toys inspired by the movie “Transformers”.  My husband liked the movie; I didn’t see it and plan to keep it that way.  “But it has Shia LaBeouf in it!” he’ll say, as if a Jewish actor in the lead role automatically makes a movie acceptable.  Even he has to admit, though, that the accompanying toys are questionable at best.  Take for example the ‘Optimus Prime Voice Changer Helmet’, or the ‘Optimus Prime Battle Rig Blaster’.  Who even knows what these things are?  The little boys that wish for them are probably also enchanted by the idea of owning the ‘Ben 10 Deluxe Ominitrix’, which is a kind of oversized wristwatch that apparently helps defeat evil.  Well, no ten year old can live without one of those, I guess. 

            I have to ask myself, am I going to be one of those parents that absolutely don’t understand what their children want?  Do I make fun of, and use sarcasm when confronted with the toy aisle, merely to mask the fact that I’m experiencing a disconnect?  Maybe.  When I am confronted with the picture of a tent shaped like a café, I enquire whether it comes with a real coffee maker. Now that would be handy.  My daughter doesn’t think I am funny and rolls her eyes; she’s probably worried sick about what I’m buying for her.

            Of course, the real question remains to be answered: what is Hanukkah really about?  Because we all know that it isn’t about presents, and it isn’t about how crisp the Latkes are, or whether that new dress matches your expectations.  I do believe that, although Hanukkah is one of the minor holidays, it can fulfill a major role in our Jewish life, if we let it.  It is about spending time with friends and family, and about togetherness; about forming strong bonds through traditions and beliefs. About believing that miracles continue to happen, every day. It is, in short, a holiday that reminds us that Judaism brings light to dispel the darkness that so often surrounds us.  And dispelling darkness is better for our children than any toys I can think of.  

Camp Gan Israel 2007

Chabad Knows Kids

By Annette van de Kamp-Wright

 

Recently, another successful summer camp was brought to a close at the Chabad House.  According to Estie Katzman, who has served as one of the camp counselors for years, this was the most enjoyable Camp Gan Israel yet: “What we really liked this year was the fact that camp ran through the 4rth of July. We were able to incorporate a really nice Barbeque right in the middle of camp, and include parents and grandparents in the camp experience.” Parent involvement is key when it comes to giving children a meaningful time over the summer.  “Camp Gan Israel offers much more than merely a place to drop your children off,” according to Estie, “we encourage parents to be aware of the wonderful things their children learn during camp. The Kids bring what they learn home, and hopefully incorporate many Mitzvot into their daily life. It is a spiritually enriching time for the whole family.” The Gan Israel Camp was awarded a grant from the Shirley and Leonard Goldstein Supporting Foundation.

The campers enjoyed many different things, such as swimming, a visit to the Durham Western Heritage museum, and crafts. They went to Fun Plex, they went bowling, and had a fashion show. They learned Israeli dancing and many, many songs. They learned about Tzedakah and many other Mitzvot, such as saying Brachot and helping each other. Most importantly, they learned what it means to be a proud Jewish “superhero”.  “We want children and families to leave here with a sense of how joyful Judaism really is,” Shani Katzman says, “and we want them to come back, often.”

Coming back should not be hard, considering what Chabad has planned for this Fall.  September 5^th will mark the beginning of “Thank G-d it’s Wednesday”, a new program for parents with young children who are not yet in school.  One of the organizers is Tippi Denenberg, who has three young children of her own. “I think it is important to have a place and time for parents to get together,” she says. “We are trying to create an environment where we not only pay attention to the spiritual needs of our children, but also to those of the parents. Raising children is a challenge. Getting together with others, and exchanging experiences can create good discussions, and provide a sense of support.”             

In addition to the TGIW program, there will be more Mishpacha (Family) Mornings this Fall. Mishpacha Mornings are held most Sundays from 10:15 until 11:45 and are aimed at families with children age 6 and younger. “A real breakfast awaits you upon arrival, everyone noshes and chats, the kids and adults have quick separate meetings to discuss the daily topics at their level, and lastly everyone regroups to tie it all together or to finish an art project. It’s amazing how many meaningful, thoughtful, and useful Jewish ideas come out of just one morning at Chabad. Regardless of your level of observance, you are guaranteed to learn something for you and your children in a relaxed and fun atmosphere”, Denenberg says.  All Mishpacha University programs will officially kick off on September 12^th with an apple picking event. An afternoon outing to an apple orchard will be organized for all who are interested. Mishpacha Mornings will be receiving funding from the Esther K. Newman/Carolyn Kully Newman Foundation.

Another event planned for fall is the repeat of last year’s “Challah-thon”.  On September 10, anyone interested in baking, eating, or purchasing Challah is welcome to come to the Chabad House around 7 p.m. and join in the fun.  “This is more than just a baking class”, Shani Katzman says. “It will give people a chance to connect within a traditional context. We will have several recipes to share, and for anyone too busy to bake for Rosh Hashanah, fresh, home-baked Challahs are available for purchase.”   

Naturally, Chabad will have adult education available several times a week as well.  To find out dates and times for any of the abovementioned activities, and to register you family for the Fall semester, please call Chabad at 330 1800, or check out the program at www.ochabad.com.