I’ve always thought an excellent way to measure the success of a child’s birthday party is to check whether the adults are having any fun. This may seem counter-intuitive; after all, it’s the child’s birthday, not his parents’. Having said that, a singular focus on whether your child is entertained enough, combined with the stress of getting everyone to the birthday location on time (not to mention making sure every parent fills out the permission slip, lest someone breaks an arm on the jumpy castle) often leads to an over-produced and expensive affair. There is a simpler way to do this.

Fire the balloon man, and cancel the ponies. Skip the activities, the scavenger hunts, and stay home. Invite your guests –and their families- to come to your house, and hang out. Plan nothing, leave the kids alone, and see what happens. It’s a revolutionary idea that more and more parents are going for.

Last night, one of my son’s friends celebrated his fifth birthday. We all went, and it was fabulous to, for once, not simply drop him off and pick him up: instead, we got to stay, eat, hang out, and have actual conversations with other parents, making this feel more like a family get together than anything. Actually, we needed a bit of a sit-down, since the house we went to was outside the city limits, and we almost killed a deer on the way. See: we weren’t even there yet, and already had a ton of excitement.

The food was safe; my children could eat everything. This was a nice change from many of the public birthday destinations, where I often have to explain to the kids that the hamburger-and-bacon pizza with extra cheese is probably not kosher.

There are additional benefits. My daughter experienced how annoying and loud an entire herd of five-year-olds can be. This should help her be more tolerant at home, where she has to put up with just one. Although, on second thought, that might take some of the fun out of having a younger brother: what good is he if you can’t blame him for random stuff?

Of course, simply playing without itinerary takes its toll. By the end of the evening, little Mendel was exhausted and expressed this by refusing a bathroom break. I explained that the drive back would take about a year, and his only option was to go now. He responded by doing some unmentionable things with the toilet lid, and having a good cry. After half an hour or so, he peed, and was ready to go home. He even had the good sense to fall asleep in the car, so we could put him straight to bed after coming home around 9:15.
I should mention he woke back up at midnight, ready to party some more, making his actual bedtime 2 pm. Still, that puts the total amount of sleep at approximately 10 hours, which is extremely successful in our house. No way would he sleep that well after visiting the jumpy castles.

Last but not least, you can skip the stranger talk: “Don’t trust anybody just because they wear a party hat!” “If the clown makes you uncomfortable, scream!” “Don’t go to the bathroom alone, come find me first, which will take forever and you’ll run the risk of peeing yourself in front of your friends!”

These are necessary warnings at any public venue these days, which take all the fun out of the party. At someone’s house, there is no risk of running into trouble; the only thing to worry about is that your kid breaks someone else’s stuff or drops some cherry soda on the sofa, which is the host’s fault anyway, since they invited us in the first place. At-home birthday parties, I think, are the new cool.

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Bad Toys
By Annette van de kamp-Wright

(This column was previously published in The Jewish Press, November 2007)

 With Hanukkah just around the corner, it’s time for the December Dilemma.  I am not referring to any real or imaginary issues we have with the Christmas season; I am talking about the question of what appropriate Hanukkah presents look like. I know people who manage to make it through eight days with the help of Gelt and candles, and maybe a donut and a latke or two, and I admire them.  They avoid greedy behavior, spending too much money, and wasting hours wrapping every gift just so.  This is not the case at our house.

            Of course, my husband and I have set the precedent years ago, and now we are stuck: Hanukkah is here and presents are expected.  I think that’s okay; besides, I like buying and wrapping presents for my children.  Now that my daughter is in first grade, she plans ahead: as soon as the first toy catalog hits the mailbox, she buries her nose in it and sighs wistfully every five minutes or so.  I told her to make a list with things she would like; if she is expecting ridiculous things like ponies or a new house, I’d like to know about it.  We set rules: for each toy she has to write down a book; and my husband and I agree that only one Barbie is allowed. What’s more, nothing can be over fifteen dollars. That way we avoid unacceptable items like the “Barbie hot tub party bus” and the “Barbie gymnastic Divas playset”.  I am not making this up.

            When she presents me with her “Hnakah”-list, I am pleasantly surprised; there is not a single item over $15.   She wants a crown, a fake flower, and a new dress. As an extra reminder, she has drawn a picture of a present in the corner of the paper.  As far as books go, she casts her net a little wider: instead of specifics, she has written down categories, such as art-books, and ‘funny books’. This begs the question of what books are ‘funny’ to six year olds.  I’ve already bought her a ‘Shakespeare for Children’ book; would she consider that funny?  I doubt it.  All in all, this is not such a bad list.  Judging from the toy catalog, things could be much more grave.

            For instance, there is a dinosaur doll, that develops its own personality based on how much time you spend with it.  In other words, time you don’t spend reading, or being outside, or cleaning your room.  The cost is a mere $349.99.  I wonder, if you leave it lying around too much, does it develop a personality disorder? Does it become socio-pathic if you don’t cuddle it?  That’s a pretty big risk to take for a couple of hundred dollars. The toy that truly puzzles me is a doll by the name of ‘baby alive wets ‘n wiggles’.  Yes, it is exactly what you think it is.  Who comes up with that?  And who wants a doll in the house that pees and doesn’t lie still; didn’t we suffer enough when our own, very real, babies went through that phase?  Hm, maybe I can buy this for her when she turns 16, as a warning?

This year, there are some new toys inspired by the movie “Transformers”.  My husband liked the movie; I didn’t see it and plan to keep it that way.  “But it has Shia LaBeouf in it!” he’ll say, as if a Jewish actor in the lead role automatically makes a movie acceptable.  Even he has to admit, though, that the accompanying toys are questionable at best.  Take for example the ‘Optimus Prime Voice Changer Helmet’, or the ‘Optimus Prime Battle Rig Blaster’.  Who even knows what these things are?  The little boys that wish for them are probably also enchanted by the idea of owning the ‘Ben 10 Deluxe Ominitrix’, which is a kind of oversized wristwatch that apparently helps defeat evil.  Well, no ten year old can live without one of those, I guess. 

            I have to ask myself, am I going to be one of those parents that absolutely don’t understand what their children want?  Do I make fun of, and use sarcasm when confronted with the toy aisle, merely to mask the fact that I’m experiencing a disconnect?  Maybe.  When I am confronted with the picture of a tent shaped like a café, I enquire whether it comes with a real coffee maker. Now that would be handy.  My daughter doesn’t think I am funny and rolls her eyes; she’s probably worried sick about what I’m buying for her.

            Of course, the real question remains to be answered: what is Hanukkah really about?  Because we all know that it isn’t about presents, and it isn’t about how crisp the Latkes are, or whether that new dress matches your expectations.  I do believe that, although Hanukkah is one of the minor holidays, it can fulfill a major role in our Jewish life, if we let it.  It is about spending time with friends and family, and about togetherness; about forming strong bonds through traditions and beliefs. About believing that miracles continue to happen, every day. It is, in short, a holiday that reminds us that Judaism brings light to dispel the darkness that so often surrounds us.  And dispelling darkness is better for our children than any toys I can think of.  

Chabad Knows Kids

By Annette van de Kamp-Wright

Recently, another successful summer camp was brought to a close at the Chabad House.  According to Estie Katzman, who has served as one of the camp counselors for years, this was the most enjoyable Camp Gan Israel yet: “What we really liked this year was the fact that camp ran through the 4rth of July. We were able to incorporate a really nice Barbeque right in the middle of camp, and include parents and grandparents in the camp experience.” Parent involvement is key when it comes to giving children a meaningful time over the summer.  “Camp Gan Israel offers much more than merely a place to drop your children off,” according to Estie, “we encourage parents to be aware of the wonderful things their children learn during camp. The Kids bring what they learn home, and hopefully incorporate many Mitzvot into their daily life. It is a spiritually enriching time for the whole family.” The Gan Israel Camp was awarded a grant from the Shirley and Leonard Goldstein Supporting Foundation.

The campers enjoyed many different things, such as swimming, a visit to the Durham Western Heritage museum, and crafts. They went to Fun Plex, they went bowling, and had a fashion show. They learned Israeli dancing and many, many songs. They learned about Tzedakah and many other Mitzvot, such as saying Brachot and helping each other. Most importantly, they learned what it means to be a proud Jewish “superhero”.  “We want children and families to leave here with a sense of how joyful Judaism really is,” Shani Katzman says, “and we want them to come back, often.”

Coming back should not be hard, considering what Chabad has planned for this Fall.  September 5^th will mark the beginning of “Thank G-d it’s Wednesday”, a new program for parents with young children who are not yet in school.  One of the organizers is Tippi Denenberg, who has three young children of her own. “I think it is important to have a place and time for parents to get together,” she says. “We are trying to create an environment where we not only pay attention to the spiritual needs of our children, but also to those of the parents. Raising children is a challenge. Getting together with others, and exchanging experiences can create good discussions, and provide a sense of support.”             

In addition to the TGIW program, there will be more Mishpacha (Family) Mornings this Fall. Mishpacha Mornings are held most Sundays from 10:15 until 11:45 and are aimed at families with children age 6 and younger. “A real breakfast awaits you upon arrival, everyone noshes and chats, the kids and adults have quick separate meetings to discuss the daily topics at their level, and lastly everyone regroups to tie it all together or to finish an art project. It’s amazing how many meaningful, thoughtful, and useful Jewish ideas come out of just one morning at Chabad. Regardless of your level of observance, you are guaranteed to learn something for you and your children in a relaxed and fun atmosphere”, Denenberg says.  All Mishpacha University programs will officially kick off on September 12^th with an apple picking event. An afternoon outing to an apple orchard will be organized for all who are interested. Mishpacha Mornings will be receiving funding from the Esther K. Newman/Carolyn Kully Newman Foundation.

Another event planned for fall is the repeat of last year’s “Challah-thon”.  On September 10, anyone interested in baking, eating, or purchasing Challah is welcome to come to the Chabad House around 7 p.m. and join in the fun.  “This is more than just a baking class”, Shani Katzman says. “It will give people a chance to connect within a traditional context. We will have several recipes to share, and for anyone too busy to bake for Rosh Hashanah, fresh, home-baked Challahs are available for purchase.”   

Naturally, Chabad will have adult education available several times a week as well.  To find out dates and times for any of the abovementioned activities, and to register you family for the Fall semester, please call Chabad at 330 1800, or check out the program at www.ochabad.com.   

20 Years of Celebrating Tradition in a Modern World

By Annette van de Kamp-Wright

It was 1986, and Rabbi Mendel Katzman and his wife Shani had been married for a year and a half, when they and their newborn baby first arrived on the scene in Omaha, Nebraska.  “It was very exciting,” Shani says, “We knew absolutely nobody, and had never even seen the city of Omaha.”  Both Katzmans were prepared and hoping to be sent somewhere in order to operate their very own Chabad House. Rabbi Katzman explains that to be sent out by Chabad is not the same as coming to a pulpit:  “You have a specific mission, and you are asked to make a lifetime commitment to empower all Jews to become what they are meant to be.”  Both Katzmans acknowledge there was no specific reason to come to Omaha beforehand to see what they were getting themselves into; they would have said yes to any destination. Rabbi Katzman had traveled extensively for Chabad, and they had done some traveling as a couple before being sent to Omaha and asked to open up their own Chabad House.

Shani Katzman remembers the first days well: “Although we found a wonderful and warm community when we came, many people thought we were too old fashioned for these modern times, and saw us as having not much relevance. Little by little, we were able to convince people that traditional Judaism always has relevance; we focus on maintaining traditions while bringing new vitality and enthusiasm. We attempt to revive many elements that people may remember from their grandparents, certain practices and customs that have fallen by the wayside either because of assimilation, or for other reasons.”

According to Shani, the Bima at Chabad serves as a visual reminder that ‘new is not always better’: “The Bima was originally housed at the Kapulier Shul, but when we received it, it was covered in three layers of paint. It was painstakingly restored to its former glory; nowadays we often receive comments about how beautiful it is.”

The Chabad House is not a Synagogue, but an outreach organization. It requires no membership, and collects no dues. “Visitors of all different backgrounds can feel welcome here because they aren’t expected to live up to a certain standard,” Rabbi Katzman says. “We accept all Jews without asking them to fit a certain mold; we want to be a bridge that connects the finite with the infinite, the past with the present, and the deeply committed with the peripherally involved.”

Kelly Kirk is a regular presence at the Chabad house; she and her children take classes and attend special events whenever they can: “We always feel welcome at Chabad, and have grown tremendously as a family.”  Current programming includes Mishpacha Morning, which takes place on Sunday; while parents focus on that week’s Parsha or various holiday-related lessons, the children follow their own program, often accompanied by lots of screaming that can be heard throughout the entire building. “Mishpacha Mornings are great,” says Kelly Kirk, “It always starts off with a fantastic breakfast, and gives parents the opportunity to learn alongside their children, as well as connect with other parents from many different backgrounds.”

Another well-attended function is “Bedtime Storytime”, which is organized on a monthly basis by Shevi and Estie Katzman.  Children of all ages are invited to come to Chabad, dressed in their pajamas; ready for snack-and story time. They are encouraged to bring blankets and stuffed animals; after they do a craft, it’s time to spread out on the floor and listen to the storyteller.  Chabad also offers religious school, summer- and winter camps, adult education, and special holiday events, such as the March 21 Purim party that is currently being planned.

Excitement is building about Chabad’s Gala, which is scheduled for April 13, 2008: “We want to raise awareness of who we are,” Rabbi Katzman says, “and let people know how much we can contribute to their lives. Also, a large part of Judaism is feasting, partying, and gathering your friends together. We want to say thank you to our honored guests, Joe and Maxine Kirshenbaum, and Mike and Gail Yanney, not via a Hallmark card, but in person.”

“Rabbi Katzman did not come into this community with a ‘heavy hand’, Joe Kirshenbaum explains, “and he quickly endeared himself to many members in the community. He is very good at motivating people to go that extra mile, without stepping on anybody’s toes. Rabbi Katzman has the time and freedom to go anywhere.  And he does, quietly, making a difference one on one.  He and Shani add a dimension to our community that’s critical.  More people need to know them.”

Joe and Maxine Kirshenbaum have known the Katzman family since they first came to Omaha, and have been supportive of Chabad since the beginning, something Rabbi Katzman is grateful for: “It is very heartwarming to know people that are always ready to give advice, and support us in any way they can.” 

Rabbi Katzman has been equally impressed with Mike and Gail Yanney’s presence in the Omaha community:” Mike and Gail Yanney are all about rolling up their sleeves, and not farming things out to others. Both couples are so unassuming; in spite of their respective accomplishments, they have stayed the same. Being that humble is not a natural reaction to success. They represent many values Chabad stands for, such as concern for the individual and lack of complacency.”

After being part of the community for twenty years, Chabad will be saying ‘thank you’ in a big way; the Mitzvah and Music Gala promises to be big, innovative, and, most of all, extremely fun.            

The Gala will take place on Sunday April 13, from 5:30 until 8:30, at KANEKO, the exciting new creativity center on 11^th and Jones.  For ticket information, please call the Chabad House at 330-1800.

By Annette van de Kamp-Wright

(Previously published in The Jewish Press, August 2007) 

For most of us, there is but one logical thing to do when we feel sick: we visit our doctor. 

He or she listens to our complaints, checks us out, we fill our prescription and pay our bill, either with or without the help of insurance.  The same cannot be said for those that have no insurance, nor the financial means to pay that bill. For those people, the idea of visiting the doctor’s office looms like a dark cloud over an already stormy day.

            The Hippocratic Oath, taken by doctors worldwide as they embark on their careers, states: “I will follow that system of regimen which, according to my ability and judgment, I consider for the benefit of my patients, and abstain from whatever is deleterious and mischievous. I will give no deadly medicine to anyone if asked, nor suggest any such counsel”.  Hippocrates did not mention cost, health insurance, or government funded health care.  The central task of the doctor, then, is to heal. All else seems secondary.  A sentiment shared by Dr. Michael Cohen of the recently opened Village Pointe Pediatrics.  However, medicine is not free. Although helping people is gratifying, it doesn’t pay the bills: “ Particularly when one is starting out as a Pediatrician with a young family to support, volunteer opportunities aren’t always easy to come by,” according to Cohen.  Nonetheless, he tried, and, together with wife Karen, taught a parenting class at Beth El that focused on Pediatric care for newborns.  While still a resident, he volunteered at “One World”, the former Indian Chicano center where he provided care to immigrant families.  It enabled him to connect with a segment of society that often goes ignored: “The gratitude you receive is enormous, but you feel the rewards are all yours.”

            Cohen has been practicing since 2000, and is no stranger to volunteering.  Most recently he was awarded the ‘Outstanding Teaching Award” by the University of Nebraska’s Medical Center. 

            In addition, Cohen has partnered with the Humane Society.  Pets that are in need of homes are brought to the clinic to visit with pediatric patients. “The interaction between pets and children is beneficial to both,” he says.  Cohen has taken fresh vegetables as payment for services rendered, seen patients at no cost when they suddenly found themselves without insurance, and made many an unscheduled and unbilled house call when the need arose.  He says: “You just sleep better at the end of the day, knowing that you did what was necessary: you helped a child feel better, you calmed a parent’s fears. I feel especially compassionate towards parents now that I have children of my own.”  He adds there has to be a basic respect for other people, regardless of their needs or situations: “You always need to treat others as human beings first and foremost.  My father used to say, ‘education is a privilege, not a right’. I try to live by those words by using my education to help others.”

After all, Rabbi Judah ibn Tibbon, the 12^th century doctor, humanist, scholar, and translator, counseled: “You may accept fees from the rich, but heal the poor without charge”

Chabad Celebrates Lag B’Omer

By Annette van de Kamp-Wright

There aren’t many things that will stop Rabbi Mendel Katzman and his wife Shani from opening their doors to the community. Therefore, the massive rain that pounded Omaha during the weekend of Lag B’Omer did not stand in the way of a joyous celebration, complete with a cookout.  While the Katzmans entertained -and educated- their guests, Bob and Kim Goldberg were kind enough to man the barbecues during the spare dry moments.  Joanne Andresen was responsible for the vast array of delicious foods.

            “This is a day of Jewish Unity”, Shani Katzman said, “and it is traditionally celebrated outside. It commemorates the relief of the tragedy that surrounded Rabbi Akiva’s students. Rabbi Akiva lived during Talmudic times. It also emphasizes the beauty of each individual. Lag B’Omer marks the day that the holy Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai passed away, and it was his request that his Jahrzeit be celebrated, not mourned. This should be a day of joy, a day to emphasize a meaningful relationship with G-d.”

            As Jews from different walks of life came together to enjoy the food and games, it was obvious that the spirit of Lag B’omer matches Chabad’s philosophy very well. “We attempt to spread a sense of community, since we are all one family”, Shani said, “and we love opening the Chabad House for anyone who wants to come, not in the least the children.” 

            Children will have a chance to experience one of the most important dates on the Jewish calendar on May 23, when Chabad hosts its annual Shavuot celebration, marking the giving of the Torah. Although Shavuot is not as widely known or celebrated, it is at the epicenter of Jewish tradition and identity. There will be a traditional dairy meal and ice cream social.  The day will start at 11:30 am with the reading of the Ten Commandments. This is a ceremony that is especially meaningful to children, since they are the keepers of the Torah. As always, everyone in the community is welcome.  Special lactose-free meals will be available.

Friedel Creates Latkemania

On December 20^th, it was once again time for staff and students at Friedel Jewish Academy to get their hands dirty.  The annual latke fry-and-sale was a big success. Parents and teachers started setting things up early in the morning, and at 9 am it was time for the students to jump in and help out. Spread out over several tables, The Kindergartners peeled, and the older students diced and sliced, while the adults made batter and controlled the fryers. The first band-aid was handed out at 9:05 am. This questionable honor went to Kindergartner Lily Goldberg, and she wasn’t the only one. It didn’t dampen anybody’s enthusiasm.

Many visitors came to either help out and fry latkes, or just to enjoy lunch and each other’s company. One of the visitors was Rabbi Yonathan Gross, who said that “it is wonderful to be here helping out, since together we are raising funds for the most important Jewish organization in Nebraska.”  Rabbi Gross is an experienced potato peeler, as he proved last year. This year he found himself packaging applesauce, accompanied by some members of the PTO.  When asked whether he had any experience in the food industry that would qualify him for such an important task, he mentioned that he had once worked as an industrial chef at a summer camp in the Catskills.  “ If you ever need me to cook for 700 people, I’m there”, he said.

Also helping out was Rabbi Seth Nadel, who went from table to table to chat with the students individually. “It is great to be here at the school”, Rabbi Nadel said, “Friedel and the Jewish Community in general have been very welcoming to my wife Na’ama and me. “ Rabbi Nadel has some culinary talents of his own, and told us that, had he not chosen to be a Rabbi, he could have been the next “Pickle King of New Jersey”, since his father is in the pickle industry.  Lucky for us, Rabbi Nadel was at Friedel cutting potatoes instead.

The success of Latke-day depends heavily on parents’ involvement.  Many fathers and mothers come and spend part of their day working with their children, and this shows the students exactly what working together can accomplish. One such parent is Sarah Teetzel, whose son Nathaniel and daughter Naomi both attend Friedel. “Any community involvement is good for the children”, Sarah said, “because it teaches them to focus on the needs of others, rather than themselves.  Helping out their school is also a great practice for them. It sets the standard by which they will hopefully live when they are adults.” Sarah also mentioned that this is a day for parents to get more involved, not only with the school, but with each other. “New relationships within the community are formed, and old ones are strengthened.” 

Students decorated the boxes that were used for take-out. Gabby Witkowski, who is a kindergartner, helped her mother Susan pack up the orders, and looked very proud of her contribution while making some nice memories with her mom.

Another enthusiastic parent is Dr. Michael Cohen. His face lights up when asked how he feels about Friedel. His daughter Lillian started Kindergarten in the Fall, and her progress, according to her father has “exceeded expectations. She has grown and blossomed so much, and we feel very blessed to be part of the Friedel Community”.

Everyone who helped out also learned that, in order to get something done, you sometimes have to get a little smelly.  Hopefully we’ll get the perfume-du-Latke out of our hair and clothes before 2007.  

Friedel Students Compete in District Speech

By Annette van de Kamp-Wright

On May 5, Friedel students Eva Phillips, daughter of Dr. Eric and Julie Phillips, and Elissa Wiener, daughter of Richard and Audrey Wiener, had the honor of representing their school at the annual district speech competition. Denise Bennett, who teaches fifth and sixth grade, prepared her students well for the event, which was held at Aldrich Elementary.  “Students from Aldrich, Wegner Middle School, St. Vincent DePaul, and Friedel competed,” Bennett said.  “The topic was “An American Landmark”.  Elissa spoke about The Empire State Building, and Eva Phillips spoke about Chimney Rock.  They were both excellent representatives of Friedel; they’re very gifted public speakers!”

Elissa, who attends fifth grade at Friedel, will go on to the state competition.  There will be students from the Omaha area as well as from Columbus and Madison, Nebraska.

The winner of this state competition will have his/her speech videotaped and sent to the national competition. “Friedel has had one state winner in the past – Jacob Katzman,” Bennett remembered, “I wish I remembered the exact year, but it was before 1995.  We were still located in the old building!”  Principal Cookie Katskee is looking forward to the next round: “Our students do a fantastic job with their speeches, and they are getting better every year. It’s very inspiring to watch them develop their skills in front of an audience.” The State competition will be held on May 19 at Brownell-Talbot.